Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
