Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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