Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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