Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
