No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
