I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
