My liver just broke up with me...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
