the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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