I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
