Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
