Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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