After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize