Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is Oprah even human
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize