bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
