idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
