I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
