The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
