My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
