I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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