ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
