Midget sex pt 2 tonight
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
