took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
