i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
