I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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