Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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