I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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