theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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