Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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