I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
