that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Send help, water and tortillas.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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