That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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