I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
