some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
