You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have post one night stand depression
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