fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
