look no pants
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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