what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
