wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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