i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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