Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
