I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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