I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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