His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
