I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
