between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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