I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
