Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
