I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
