I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
