Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
