she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
