I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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