I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
