Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
whose parrot is this?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
