pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
