If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
