you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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