Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
