Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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