the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
