This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
