And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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